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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A humorous way to.....

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.


For more check out the Church of the Spaghetti Monster

4 comments:

olu Graphic Designs said...

that was a humorous letter indeed.
I am not saying I do/t know the duty of the civilized However sometimes...just sometimes when I see people going to their churches or temples or wherever and bettering there lives as a result of that vehicle I am moved to say "let them do their thing."

Olu

Serenity Love Divine Earth said...

What ever happened to the separation of church and state? The constitution is still the law in this land, correct? Religious fanatics are riduculous. Where are the parents' responsibility in their children's education? If the parents want this informantion given to their children, then THEY should give it to them. The only way it could be marginally fair, though still unconstitutional, is if churches are required to teach evolution in Sunday schools and from their pulpits.

Will they also teach that the Blackman is GOD? If they did then they would have to say that the Blackman created the heavens and the Earth. LOL! The law would never get on the ballot!

C'BS ALife Allah said...

That's why the focus is to be and example and teach the babies.

If alot of the spookism is extracted from religion you will find laws for civilization. The problem is that many religious people 'skip' those and obsess over some esoteric verse and build a whole new religion aroun it.

We definitely do need to revisit the separation of church and state. Especially in these days and time. If I hear one more time that the 'founding fathers' were 'christian' and this is a 'christian country' i am going to knock somebody in the head with a book. KNOW history folks.

Brother OMi said...

I have to agree.
there is a book that applies a remedy for all this:

Stephen Prothero's Religious Literacy.

I do find that a Comparative Religion class should be taught in the schools as well as a class on the Bible as Literature. Why?

we have people in the present administration who don't know a thing about Islam (one example) and many politicians, writers, leaders, etc. make biblical references.